


Kannao Goose Fic

by ThatButthole



Series: Goose [1]
Category: Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Soulmate Goose of Enforcement, Crack, F/M, I try to be funny, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-29 01:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21146138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatButthole/pseuds/ThatButthole
Summary: A goose will appear and chase a character towards meeting their soulmate.





	Kannao Goose Fic

**Author's Note:**

> I heard about this au tag [on tumblr](https://thatlittledandere.tumblr.com/post/188536277726/thatrandombystander-my-friend-has-informed-me) and since it was obvious after two hours of staring at a school computer that I was NOT getting anything useful done for my thesis or seven past due assignments that day, I thought I might as well mimic productivity by writing a quick crack fic to feel better about myself, and I already have a souyo soulmate au in the works so kannao it is i', sorry kanji

In the Interwebz, there is a legend. A goose. The animal, the myth, the legend. It causes general mischief and drives stubborn, oblivious and or otherwise stoopid people towards their soulmates. And honk and honk and bite at their legs if they try to run away, allegedly. There are many things alleged on the internet though, Kanji Tatsumi thinks, such as that you’’ turn into a wizzard if you stay a virgin until your thirty - which sounds more realistic, by the way - so he doesn’t think much when he sees this particularly ridiculous claim.

It’s not like he even has a soulmate. Isn’t he entirely unlovable? He has a face only a mother would love, he has heard (which is why it’s a good thing his mother loves him so much) and whO would love a mAn WhO kNiTs? ?+ Who likes cUtE tHInGsS?? Society is cruel but thems the beans. Absolute truth. If ONLY there was SOMEONE out there, like not even a group of seven teens, an adorable child and an otherworldly being who might or might not be partially a matryoshka bear, but SOMEONE, maybe a SMART, COOL, CAPABLE BUT STILL CUTE HIGH SCHOOL DETECTIVE who CROSSDRESSES to AVOID WORKPLACE SEXISM and to LIVE UP TO PATRIARCHAL STANDARDS OF AN IDEAL HARDBOILED DETECTIVE SET BUY HER GRANDFATHER’S CRIME NOVEL COLLECTION AND THE HEAVY BURDEN OF DETECTIVENESS RUNNING IN THE FAMILY, yeah that would be nice. But not going to happen.

Then the goose appeared. Just like that. And it’s nothing weird at first (there are geese on the Japanese countryside, right?) but it seems very insistent on something. Not getting food, is what Kanji Tatsumi concludes quickly. No, this goose loks at him with eyes that _know_ something. And honks like a motherfucker. jesus, it’s cute as shit the rare moments it’s quiet, but then the honking starts andit’s hell.

It seems to have a set direction. Kanji tatsumi’s supposed to take certain steps towards a certain goal to appease the goose, probably. Kanji Tatsumi admits he’s not very smart. But it’s a viable option.

The goose chases Kanji tatsumi towards this short boy in dark clothes and a cap and won’t leave until kanji Tatsumi speaks. Oh god, he doesn’t know how to speak to people without threatening them. He especially doesn’t know how to talk to boys, particualarly ones he takes a interest in, and _definitely_ not when he thinks they might be interested in him too. tatsumi kanji is gay and insecure about it and afraid he’ll come off as predatory, so he’l just insert his foot in his mouth and tell the boy he wants to see him again. Hey, itäs better than many options. They meet again and neither one says the word. the goose deems it good enough and gives Kanji a crooked, badly cut gold star that says “you tried”. It’s on the door of the Tatsumi fridge now.

The goose chases Kanji Tatsumi through a hellish confrontation of his insecurities conserning his sexuality, identity, interests and gender slash gender presentation, that manifests itself as a JRPG dungeon for some reason. The interior decor leaves a lot to be desired. Maybe Kanji Tatsumicould look up materials that can stand heat and humidity and go back and prettify the place a little later on…? But the gooose is a little more satisfied after Kanji Tatsumi gets back from his sauna and admits he’s an insecure piece of shit and decides to do his best to tell himself that crotcheting is good, actually, and accept himself. “Git gud soon, bitch”, says the card the goose presents him one day. Where the hell it got a crude, meme-y card written in English in a tiny Japanese town is a mystery, but one Kanji Tatsumi doesn’t feel inclined to solve. Thanks Obama, and other 2011 memes, I guess.

The goose chases Kanji Tatsumi to attend school regularly again. “See your soulmate there, you will,” it communicates in a way Kanji Tatsumi can’t really fathom how it did but the message is gotten across still. Hm. He hangs with the Investigation Team to solve murders and tries not to beat the everloving fuck out of Yosuke-senpai when he’s being paritcularly obnoxious. As if the motherfucker isn’t pining after a guy himself, but that’s a crisis for another fic. A more serious one than this. The goose doesn’t like it when its target gets sidetracked though, so Kanji Tatsumi goes back to trying to wrap his head around the case. The senpais just couldn’t start the explanation from the beignning, could they…

the goose harases Kanji Tatsumi on the school campout and makes him do some regrettable things. Demeaning comments to the girls and their unedible food, Bitch-senpai’s very obvious homobhobia and general disrespect (his animal crackers!!), Attempted and failed sexual harrasment, physical violence and what have you aside, he survives with only mild mental scars and a few physical bruises. The goose looks indifferent after the outcome. Kanji Tatsumi has never wanted to cause harm to an animal this much before.

Rise’s and Mitsuo’s dungeons are treated as an unimportant necessity to Kanji Tatsumi’s (or the goose’s) personal goals. But the detective boy is there throughout. kanji tatsumi likes his voice, his large vocabulary, his pretty face, mysterious aura and finds his achivement s in life despite his young age admirable. Naoto Shirogane is also a name he feels drawn to. The gooses flaps its wings and nestles in his lap the first time he dares to write about any of this in his diary, and Kanji feels like he’s starting to understand what this is all about.

Then the detective boy has a dungeon of his own, and turns out he’s not a boy at all. It comes as a shock, but Kanji Tatsumi doesn’t necessarily think anything he liked about her in the first place has changed. And Naoto had very valid reasons that Kanji Tatsumi can understands well. He could like a girl, sure, why not? It’s what most people do anyway. He’s too tie´red to reconstruct his identity again, let’s just go witht he damn flow for now. The goose brings him a bouquet of flowets with a thank you card when he doesn’t reject the idea.

He befirends Naoto after she joins the investigaytion team and his crush won’t _fucking_ leave him alone. Neither will the goos.e. Kanji Tastumi is starting to suspect the goose is a metaphor or perhaps a physical manifestation of a crush. After it honks for a full ten hours straight when Kanji Tatsumi tries to tell it why confessing would be a horrible terrible not good idea, he’s too tired to resist. He calls Naoto after class, holding the goose from its neck to make _absolute_ sure that it sees this, and manages to mumble that he likes her. Naoto looks stunned, something he finds incredibly cute if also mindfuckingly unnerving. She looks down and pulls her on her cap like she often does when she’s nervous., She returns the feelings, and asks what kanji Tatsumi proposes they do next. Kanji tatsumi bearly holds his tongue from voicing his lewd, sinful, indecent thougts (he wants to hold her hand and maybe even kiss her on the cheek) and asks if they could do something, maybe go on a walk after schoolö. naoto agrees it’s a good idea, an opportunity tfor them to sort things out, and smiles. Kanji faints on the spot.

She calls for help to get him to the infirmary - as remarkable as she is in many aspects, she couldn’t get an unconscnious kanji Tatsumi anywhere without ungracefully dragging him across the floor. She waits for him to wake up and is relieved to hear the plan is still happening. After they agree to start officially dating after the walk, and to also tell their friends because they deserve to know because a secret relationship would proably require a second chapetr, the goose is satisfied. It disappears from the couple’s sight in a poof of smoke, sends its condolences to the poor chap trying to peck some goddamn sense into Yosuke’s head, and goes to well-earned sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I like Kanji's last name. and we all KNOW he's going to give it up when he gets married to Naoto, so I'm going to make the most of it while I still can. Shirogane Kanji sound good too though, make no mistake.
> 
> Also all typos were left untouched intentionally please don't chew me on them. Chew me on something else. Like my first Persona fic being _this._
> 
> __  
**ALSO A DISCLAIMER THAT I'M SO MANY LAYERS OF IRONY DEEP I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TA SEND ACTUAL MESSAGES SO I DON'T INTEND ANY HARM OR HATE TOWARDS ANYTHING DESPITE THE WAY I PHRASED THINGS HERE**  



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